What best completes a child growing up with gay parents?
Donorpride.com
is a website for members of the gay and lesbian community who wish to have
both parents in the child/ren's life. “Shared Parenthood!” As well,
DonorPride offers opportunities for heterosexuals and gays the option of
giving or receiving the gift of Egg or Sperm donations and surrogacy
options. Sample contract forms on board, loads of information on how
to go about performing all the easy steps yourself, and information on
obtaining your own sperm tank to store sperm at your home for years.
There is also information and options to
have donors/surrogates and egg donors sign over their parental rights but
hopfully granting visitation privileges.
I know many
people and have heard too many stories about gay women who've had
children without a Father involved, with one being the biological parent to
later end their relationship. What usually happens is that the
non-biological parent drifts out of the child's life. And no matter if she
doesn't, most donor children still end up wanting to know where they
came from and who their biological Father is.
I had the
chance to spend some time with a child named Juliet and her two moms.
Juliet came into this world through the combination of her two moms and a
sperm bank. Through her school mates asking her where her dad was, this
child Juliet learned that she came from more than just two Moms. Her mother was
explaining Juliet's desire to know her dad, saying that Juliet asked and
explained to both her mothers, "If you would have known that I
would be this unhappy, would you have had me this way?!" Her mother asked
Juliet..."How would you want me to have you then?" Juliet said to both her
Moms, "I'm glad you are my mom and mommy, and I don't care if my father doesn't
live here. I just wish he lived next door so that I can visit him." It
saddened me for the 12 year old.
When I met this couple who
have Juliet, they had been together for about 24 years. They are well
educated and financially well off. But this couple learned something valuable
about each other that evening as I was sitting there making documentation in my
head. The biological mother asked her lover, "Honey! What would you
want if we had it to do all over again? Do you wish that we would
have done it differently?" Juliet’s other mother looked over at the
biological Mother and said, "Yes, I wish that we knew him. I
wish I could just see him for just 5 minutes right now!"
I was stunned from her comment. What an incredible woman she is. And,
by all means, one of the most unselfish non-biological mothers I’ve ever had the
pleasure of meeting…with much compassion for Juliet as to step back and look at
what’s important to her daughter and to herself.
I have to think of myself and how many times I’ve thanked my own Mother for
allowing my Father visitation, although, he was pretty lousy about helping out
with finances, she never stopped him from seeing me anytime he wanted and I am
grateful for that.
Juliet is fortunate to have two parents who've not split apart,
unlike numerous people I could be writing about. Juliet
just wants to know her Dad. Sitting at the dinner table
continuing to talk over their couple glasses of fine wine and my purified water,
the biological Mother whispered over to me and explained that she was in search
for the donor, but unfortunately, she was having no success.
I must confess that I am one who
was selfish. I was going to have a child. I approached gay men on websites
who would be willing to go through all the tests. When I found the
gentleman/donor/father of my choice, and emailed him, his first email back to
me, he stated, “Please tell me this is not a joke. Today is my birthday and this
is the best birthday present I could ever ask for.” I thought it was
bizarre that I had emailed him on that personal day. After numerous
contacts with him, he started insisting he would cover all cost for the
inseminations. I allowed that generous statement to cause me to become paranoid,
afraid he would want to take custody of the child. At that same time, I didn't
wish to raise a child without a father. I've learned that Gay men
are eager to become a father. Today, I wish I could go back and have
that child. It makes me think of a marriage ending but two people who still
respect one another and share the beauty they both created along the way.
Most married couple’s who have ended in a divorce dislike one another.
Just think about all the divorced people who have such dislike for who they
"used to love." You on the other hand just simply share a child together and
have a special connection, love and appreciation for each other. It's the
main reason you have met. You are giving each other a gift. I can say
today that this gentleman who was willing to give me a child continued to
contact me long, long after the fact of my rejection and still calls me ever
so often, as my older eggs still miss what could have been. One
call was to inform me that he was in an automobile accident, but
was ok. He must feel somewhat bonded to me at the mere thought of me carrying a
child of ours that never happened and still, has brought him that close to me. I
now want to offer to others, the opportunity I wish I could have had long ago.
I'm content with what has been given to me. DonorPride may not exist if I would
have considered conceiving through other avenues. Know your donor or
recipient! Don't let a stranger in an industry evaluate your future.
L.A. Eason
CEO and Founder
